'Twas the night before the Christmas Invasion,
when all through the Vortex
not a creature was stirring,
except for the Sycorax.
The stockings were hung by the TARDIS with care,
In hopes that the Doctor soon would be there;
The Doctor was nestled all snug in Rose's bed,
While visions of jelly babies danced in his head:
And Rose's mum in her 'kerchief and Micky in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When out in space there arouse such a clatter,
The PM sprang from her bed to see what was the matter.
"I'm Harriet Jones, the PM"; she yelled near and far
As all answered her, "Yes, we know who you are."
Away to UNIT she flew like a dancer,
Opened all communications and awaited an answer.
Guinevere One in the hold of an alien craft
Sent messages to Earth while the Sycorax laughed.
The screens showed the ship as it sped towards our Earth
As the alien threat put an end to all mirth.
More rapid than eagles on course they came,
And whistled and grunted and called us all names.
Our blood they controlled and a third climbed the walls,
They threatened to dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So down from the heavens with a huge sonic boom,
Down came the craft and shook every room.
So, over the house tops, the Sycorax flew,
A ship full of aliens with mischief to do.
And then in a twinkling, The PM and staff teleported,
To the alien ship to see if it all could be sorted.
The Doctor was still missing and could not give a hand,
Even when Rose was threatened by a Santa brass band.
The Doctor slept on and was oblivious as could be
Until Rose asked for help against a killer Christmas Tree.
He sprang up in bed, sonic screwdriver ablaze
And banished the tree, then sunk back in a daze.
Meanwhile, the Sycorax glowered down at the desperate PM,
Harriet Jones looked on as the Major and Llewellyn were condemned.
Rose's mum packed food as Rose and Micky grabbed the Doctor,
They ran to the TARDIS and shut the blue door.
As Jackie got more supplies, Rose and Micky tuned the scanner,
Little did they know that the signal was like waving a big banner.
The Sycorax leader tuned in to the technology
And beamed it aboard without an apology.
Rose walked out the door not knowing her danger
Although to alien menaces, she was no stranger.
Micky came when she screamed after spilling his tea,
He ran to her aid, not knowing what the danger would be.
Rose tried to scare the leader with her talk of Raxacoricofallapatorius
Although he had no fear as he planned to be victorious.
He laughed at her attempt to scare them away
He knew they were helpless and would not delay.
What was the Shadow Proclamation to him?
The Earth lay undefended and it's future was dim.
Suddenly without warning his language was clear,
The telepathic circuits were working, Rose held back a tear.
If the circuits were working, she knew who was well,
She turned towards the TARDIS as her hope seemed to swell.
Out shot the Doctor all shiny and new
He'd fix it all up; he'd know what to do.
He released all the people from the control of their blood
And proved to all present that the threat was a dud.
He challenged the Alien leader to a duel by swords,
As only he could, the last of the Time Lords.
He fought like a champion and regrew a hand,
He killed the Sycorax leader, but where did he land?
We've seen aliens killed by viruses and lasers that shoot,
But never before by a small citrus fruit.
The Doctor had done it, he'd saved them all
In nothing but his jimjams, he'd come at a call.
He'd done more than Zaphod or Arthur or Ford,
Hitchhikers be damned, we need a Time Lord.
All peace was restored and the threat had been banished,
They all returned to London as the ship turned and vanished.
The Doctor was happy, as he'd done all he could,
Not knowing of course, of the threat of Torchwood.
The PM blasted the retreating aliens as they sped out to space,
She did it out of fear and a hope to save face.
The Doctor was pissed as only he gets,
He raged at Jones and made good on his threats.
She backed away form the Time Lord, in fear she was mired,
She was the same PM as always, but perhaps a bit tired.
He picked out a suit and put on a jacket,
And went to Jackie's apartment to join in the racket.
The sprouts were all eaten and the crackers were popped,
Even pudding was consumed and not a morsel was dropped,
They were all called to the door to see the new snow,
Still, the threat was over and The Doctor had to go.
He asked Rose along and she agreed with a smile,
She wouldn't be back, at least for a while.
The Doctor sprang to the TARDIS and threw every switch,
As the TARDIS engines groaned and rose in their pitch,
I heard him exclaim before he vanished from sight,
"Happy Christmas to all. And to All a good night."
By Harold Nickerson
Thanks to Martin Lowe for the "clockwork" design used on these pages.
Doctor Who and the TARDIS are
copyright © the British Broadcasting Corporation.
No attempt to supercede is made here.